I’m gently awaken by a soft pat and a Hollywood themed type kiss to the forehead by a familiar kiss and aura, someone I like to think is my forever partner. What’s even better? I hear from underneath his breath, the whisper of the words, ‘Surprise’! oh! nothing beats the sound of that word except of course a phrase that goes by way of: “I’ve sent you money”! He sure knows I get super excited and a bit tensed when it comes to subtle surprises, and it doesn’t take long before I’m up on my side eagerly asking what the surprise is. He notches his head towards the closet doors, beckoning on me to go check. My heart is beginning to race from excitement I think, and I wonder where I got the strength to yank myself off the bed! In a few seconds, I’m by the closet door, barely grappling to open this mysterious package. I see a red pack with a velvet upholstery held firmly with beautifully adorned rainbow-colored ribbons. RAINBOW? my heart skips a bit, is he coming out of the closet? I shrug such a thought and my sight is immediately fixed on a note that reads ‘open me up’ I open this mysterious pack and, in the content, is a well stretched full 20″ pixie curls pitch black wig, a sexy open back red dress and a pair of amazingly crafted high heels- oh! for the love of heels, I do hope it fits like Cinderella’s. There’s also an accompanying handwritten inscription which reads: Dinner by 7pm. I’m beyond excited. I barely find the words to say thank you as I plant a flurry of kisses on this man’s face, my man! It’s almost dawn and I receive a tap on my office door followed by an admonishing: you’ve got a visitor- another surprise? a mid-aged man who introduces himself as my chauffeur for the rest of the evening is by my door with strict instructions to take me home and prepare for the evening. Guess what? this isn’t cliche, but there’s a limousine outside my office, this evening is giving off “Pretty Woman” vibes and I’m loving it! it feels like a script right out of Hollywood, this time, I’m the main character. I’m at the front entrance just ready for my guide and you wouldn’t believe who shows up at my door with a well tailor-made black tuxedo with that cross-oh yeah, bow tie they call it to match, it’s Prince charming! My Man! We are cordially chauffeured to a high brow restaurant at the center of the busy city that never sleeps! The food is breathtaking, wine, a little intoxicating but I love it! We spend hours relieving childhood memories and adult life and barely realize how much time has gone by! We retire home to more surprises, at least for me; petals of roses laid on the front porch leading right up to my bedroom. Where on earth did this man find the time to plan an evening such as this? an intentional MAN, cut right out of a play book! We make our way upstairs and I kid you not, I’m thrilled to a no better amazingly intimate night of my life! yes, absolutely amazing!!!
Relieving her birthday…
My day started slowly but gained momentum later in the day and eventually climaxed with an amazingly well spent evening with friends and family. Shortly after the clock ticked 12:00, I, who had been awake at the time, from an obvious burning cum exciting sensation in my bowls, fell to my knees and gave a heartfelt gratitude to my creator for finding me worthy enough to still be alive and I quickly reached for my phone-a habit that has come to stay unfortunately, to upload a ton of striking pictures-at least I was told they were, all of which I had previously taken in a studio session, only a couple of days earlier, all unto a host of my social media platforms. I spent the next few hours gleefully responding to comments from those who were still up and wishing me well. In a few hours, I slept and woke up by 9:10 to a banging headache, most likely from sleeping quite late. The next hours would grind rather slowly as I had to unfortunately do some remote work and only got off work by some hour’s past noon of same day. A few female friends stopped by at my place with some drinks and a surprise cake to my amazement and we laughed, teased each other and reflected on the events of the past year with intermittent pauses of solemn gratitude. We did this for a few more hours until my boyfriend who had been out of town at the time, paid an unannounced stop at my house, all to my amazement! He took me and indeed my friends out to an outdoor relaxation bar where we had series of drinks and even more fun. This went on for a few more hours and at dusk, we had well settled to go to a nearby clubhouse to dance the night away! I incidentally met a long-lost friend at the club, and an unforgettable reunion ensued! I cherished every bit of the moments spent on my birthday including the celebrations and look forward even more keenly to next year but till then, permit me to get back to this 8-5!
Nigeria and 2015 General Elections
NIGERIA 2015: The Politics of Incumbency
The stage is set, the plot thickens and the audience(West) look on. The forth coming general elections has all the makings of a true drama series, well capable of making or marring us as a people’.
Democracy as we’ve come to know it on literatures only, is the Government of the people, by the people and for the people. But how many public office holders can truthfully beat their chest of having fulfilled the yearnings of their constituents to whom they took an oath of service. That leads me to introduce to you that all important magic wand called Incumbency.
I live in a small, peaceful town whose calm and tranquility is being threatened by political thuggery and political climate impregnated with uncertainty because, ours is increasingly becoming about who has a more closely knitted political structure and who has the most influential godfathers and less of who has proven track records of service to humanity.
It is quite easy to assert that absolute power, intoxicating as it can get is a major pointer to the sustained spate of wanton abuse of the powers of Incumbency but in my opinion, a calm and collected assessment of our political space leading up from the grassroots to the federal hierarchy stinks of politics of interest and aggrandizement.
With the latest intrigues of cross-carpeting within political parties and the unending feigned loyalty displayed by our aspiring and present public figures, as witnessed almost on a daily basis leading up to the 2015 general elections, not even the many self acclaimed religious gurus in the persons of our prophets and imams have the end in sight.
I am neither a clairvoyant nor a soothsayer but I can authoritatively and with almost all certainty pronounce that the outcome of the forthcoming general elections 2015, would tally around goons and proteges ‘loyal’ to their incumbent grandmasters than tow the path of the wishes and aspirations of the people’.
Michael Ayak
Prostitution or Reality
Drawing a map from the narrow corridors of Venice City connecting the Mushin slums in Lagos, leading up to the Red Light districts of the streets of London, tell-tale signs can be seen of one of the proverbial oldest “profession” known to man-Prostitution. Whether revered secretly or despised openly, the “Art” of Prostitution has outlived our fore-fathers and continues to do so, and so it begs the question; When do you draw the line between embracing the thought that perhaps life’s turns give the fuel for the sustenance of this profession or of taking the stand that is, Prostitution in its whole totality remains a retrogressive step in the furtherance of Man and his being?
A Popular parlance goes thus: “That it is condition that makes the crayfish bend”. No one knows their stories, their struggles, the sacrifices made and forgive me if I’m not an ardent worshiper, but I know somewhere in our revered books of worship, echoes the words: “Judge ye not so ye be not judged”. Okay pause, at this juncture I’d like to believe married “loving” couples, religious enthusiastic and every and anybody who would be caught dead finding their spouse or beloved ones in a whore-house would most probably literally have my head on a chopping block if they could help it. And their reasons might not be farfetched. I mean, you could argue that who in his right senses flaunts his/her God-given body, which should be a temple between you and your Creator to the perverted glimpse of onlookers? Who in their right senses doubles, okay I take that back, quadruples his/her chances of meeting an untimely death by constantly engaging in acts that would leave you at the mercy of diseases and ailments, some of whose cures are yet unknown? Who intentionally risks the extermination of their bloodline and family tree by exposing themselves as well as their siblings to such highly inimical practices?
My take is this, while it’s convenient to play the “blame game” or attribute the continued survival of this trend to some Alien invasion-just kidding or resort to a fest of name calling and out pour of invectives, one thing is certain, these Hustlers, Night crawlers, daughters of eve, Jezebel, Hookers, harlots, red light queens, fallen women, hussies, floozies….umm anyways only came thus far without a doubt because they found patronage in their “Art”. A profession so despised but yet so old, without sounding opinionated, could only mean one thing; people continue to act and behave two-faced in their dealings with adherents of this profession hence the continued survival.
While it is true that circumstances and various experiences push people to engage in such acts, it is never too late to set things right, nor prevent future occurrences. No life whatsoever the history behind it should be lost on the altar of Prostitution. Every life granted is a gift to that being and should be treated so.
Build your home and family in a way that moral values can be upheld, and come tomorrow, you will have no cause to be the one to “throw or hurl the first stone”.
HIS N HER: Why Must I shave my legs?
On a bright, sunny, clear skied day, a boyfriend and his girlfriend set out on a date at the beach. On the menu is swimming, light tanning, picnic session and all the in-betweens lovers do. Mid way through their laid-back meditation on the warm sands, the following conversation ensues: BOY: Hey babe, you do know how much I love you right? I mean, I love your character, your smile is second to none, you’re really beautiful and you have the kindest heart a guy can ever ask for. But most importantly, you always make it really easy for me to communicate. What I’m actually trying to say umm… is, I’d like you to kind of…shave your legs. GIRL: Why must I shave my legs???.
While it is mighty important not to lose sight of the basic ingredients that define two people in love and taking into cognizance that, beauty at its best is beauty expressed skin-deep, we must tell ourselves the hard-biting truth that beauty is fashionable. Admitted, at some point, well around my great-grand mum’s era or so, it was fashionable and even deemed “sexy” to find women with lots of body and facial hair, that era I’m afraid is history. Put mildly, and with total respect to the female folk, 90 of 100% of male counterparts actually find body hair rather irritable and well, the other 10% are indifferent or TOO SCARED to say! We are, at the moment, at an era where well toned and spotless bodies ROCK literally!!!
Well back to the question at hand. I think one of the main reasons why a girl would want to and in fact should shave her hair is for the sole reason of Tolerance and Compromise. It’s no BREAKING NEWS that female folk have little or no tolerance for bloated and bulky stomachs and would take any chance given them to lash out and take a swipe at guilty parties, also not forgetting the sweet melodies and side-whispers they spew when a guy with well segmented abs comes along. It only stands to reason that, in the same vain and I believe I speak for most of the male folks including those secretly being oppressed by their partners in more ways than one, but are too afraid to speak out, we would rather look at and feel those smooth slender unending legs and not be subjected to feeling legs which seem and feel like freshly harvested yam tubers. At this stage all we can expect is fair compromise.
Maybe I’m being too forward, maybe I’m being unfair to the women, and maybe I’ve not taken into account, the immense cost of purchasing and maintaining these hair removal creams and other paraphernalia, but I do think your out-look, carriage and general way you care for your body plays a domino effect towards scoring that perfect man or at least someone close or even perhaps, maintaining a high self-esteem. It’s all about perception women. Think of it this way, an investment, a necessary contribution that would pay in the future or is already paying at the moment. The expensive “Brazilian Hair” era craze I believe is one of such contributions, bringing massive ‘transformation’ to your looks…just saying.
So ladies, I’m thinking, before you launch a personal vendetta against your boyfriend or man-friend for asking you to shave your legs or do some other kind of “weird” request, please remember there are various ways of caring for and appreciating your man. Like the introductory conversation reads, if he doesn’t care he won’t ask. Life is not a Detol Advert, if you don’t care for him someone else will…and I’m out!
Why Can’t I be Natural?
The beauticians tell you ‘looking good is big business’, Bill boards read ‘fashion the next big thing’, Cosmetic sales reps. preach about products that make you glow right into your lover/spouse’s eyes, Run-way hunters promise you of making six figures before Nicki-minaj spots another hairdo. What they never tell you is what you stand to lose trying to become a BARBIE. Now, that all important question ‘why cant i be natural?
In this age of facelift,fake teeth,knee caps,lib-suction(tummy tuck),breast and butt enlargements(boob and butt jobs),nose job and all other jobs yet to be discovered, wouldn’t come as a surprise the arrival of a fashion craze perhaps called ‘Head Job’ where you could go have your head dismembered from your body, only time will tell.
Pitiable as it sounds, we mustn’t forget to identify the root causes of this new shift in trend. They include but are not limited to low self-esteem,peer pressure,self-gratification,poverty,religious fall outs and somewhere in my wild imagination the crave to assume an on-screen Angelina Jolie type personality.
Beauty is good business, yes i agree. But we must learn to appreciate those wise words which continually read ‘Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’, ‘Beauty is simplicity’ and ‘simplicity is everything natural’. For how long will our beautiful women continue to sacrifice their God-given looks and bodies on the altar of fashion? For how long will our future wives and mothers stake their futures just to settle for looks which paint them as crackheads,prostitutes and more recently ‘walking human collages’? colored paper collages are for school kids and kids alone.
Why can’t i be natural you ask? That burning question every girl, every woman, every celebrity secretly asks. I’ll tell you why, it’s the ignorance, ignorance in the lie that society has told for thousands of years ‘that a woman is beneath a man, a man’s subject’. But true womanhood is simple,noble,natural and confident, qualities only a real man is able to spot and adore.
The average female trend-setter spends a lottery-fortune trying to look good for ‘Mr Right’ or ‘Mr Rights’ as have often been seen. But she is also the first to cry foul when ‘Mr Right’ considers only her body ‘Mrs Right’. It is true times have changed and people have become more worldly but one thing has remained constant, the will-power to make life-shaping decisions. You ask why can’t i be natural? And i say; look into the mirror and your reflection tells you why.
AYAK MICHAEL NDIFON
I’m single because i am too beautiful and smart….
Your single because you sound just the way you do, because your Facebook profile reads “miss independent every day all day” and you follow it to the later. Your single because your BBM pm and Twitter dm read “what a guy can do, a girl can do 10 times more….#team single ladies#”. Often times people particularly the female folk misconstrue the concept of beauty, in this case external beauty as a pre-requisite for landing a relationship, a decent one at least, yes there are relationships worth sharing with friends and family and others with a question mark as long as the Nile. That you have a full optioned butt, you know the one that looks just right for that bust, long slender pretty legs, well curved boobs and a face to die for would most probably earn you a pass or an approach. What follows suit is a function of the charisma that you exhibit at the time and your manners. So it could well be that a guy decides to push the ball because he strongly believes perhaps your outlook reeks of sexuality and maybe wants to score or your intelligence is a huge turn-on and a form of inspiration. It’s said that beauty is not all brains and looks and unfortunately, the male folk have to cross more than one barrier when you meet and perhaps date a beautiful and smart girl, the first barrier being of course the infatuation that comes with being identified with one so endowed. So it follows only naturally that some girls are left hang and dry single not because they are anything short of brains or looks but because mummy was too busy to teach them all about boy business and we all know the fruit doesn’t fall far off the tree.
You say your single because guys feel threatened by your ability to floor them at every discussion or feel insecure as they perhaps pale in comparison to your outstanding beauty but i tell you what, for every couple there is; 9 times out of 10, the odds are that beauty always plays second fiddle to “trust”, “understanding” and the almighty “love”. Did i hear you say no, oh well how would you know you’re still single!
For all y’all ladies who have made a habit of showing the world just how lovely you look in your bridesmaids’ outfit week in week out and for those that attend every bridal shower there is to attend in town, quick question: Do you have on every playlist the hit single “single ladies” by the sexy diva Beyonce? Because if you do, the last time i checked, Beyonce was and still is in a healthy relationship.
Beauty is God sent, how you manage it, that i cannot tell. To all my single ladies all over the world, talk smartly, love fiercely, think like a man but most importantly act like a woman!
MICHAEL NDIFON AYAK
HONEY WHY DO I NEED TO WORK?
Why do i need to work? For starters, UNPAID BILLS. Nobody at least no sane person wants the unenviable position of having tons of unpaid electricity, water, rent and gas bills. Nobody wants to be served letters of foreclosure or be chased down by tax collectors and on a lighter note, nobody is accomodating enough to play roommates to a roach twerk team or flatmates to a rat gymnastic crew. Everybody dreams of a rosy picture cut-out life but dreams absolutely dont pay bills.
Every person has different motivations for working. The reasons for working are as individual as the person. But we all work because we obtain something that we need from work. What we obtain from work impacts our morale and motivation and the quality of our lives. While some people work for love, others work for personal fulfillment. There are still those who strive to accomplish personal missions through meaningful work. Whatever your personal reasons for working, i dare say the bottom line is that almost everyone works for money. Whether it be tagged compensation, salary, bonuses, benefits or even “paper” money pays the bills.
While still stretching the importance of work, it is pertinent to note that while some people work for personal fulfillment, some really don’t have a choice, it’s either work or Jail time. Also, there are still those who have put their natural-born talents to good use giving birth to Stand-up Comedy, Talk Shows and more recently Reality-TV shows examples of which include Keeping up with the Kardashians, Real World Las-vegas, Jersey Shore etc. While it is worthy to note that Talk shows and Stand-up Comedy play host to the most amazing talents, some people would argue about the talents of some Reality Shows as mentioned above, whether you call it “promiscuity” or “untapped” talents the reader’s summation remains his best guess.
In all honesty, to underplay the importance of money and the benefits it brings to people who work is a mistake. One of the basic inherent traits of man is Survival. With survival comes Responsibility which expresses itself through various forms, Work being amongst the top pile.
Reasons for working are personal to each individual but the underlying reason still remains fulfillment, fulfillment while making money or fulfillment while doing something you love, fulfillment all the same.
So go find out what your passionate about, what makes your blood tick and remember BILLS must be paid.
MICHAEL NDIFON AYAK
“I don’t want children, am I normal?”
OMG!!! For those of you readers not born in the “Short Message Age”, this Acronym has come to mean “Oh My God!”. Perhaps, this phrase springs to mind once you’ve taken a hard long look at the caption, accompanied with a shrug of the shoulders and just maybe a let-out of what i like to think is a “puzzled smile”. Dont get spooked, it had the same effect on me. Well, this happens to be my bizzare way of driving home the Invaluable role Children play in our lives and also to put a dent to the armour of the “Opinionated Few” who hold fast to the belief that Children are Career Killers and sometimes describe them with words we would rather have blacklisted from our vocabulary.
Lets follow these chain of events; You get born, attend the best schools, get absorbed into the Corporate world, reach the zenith of your career boosted by a distinctive legacy you have built for yourself and VIOLA! it hits you, the realization that there is no gratification in having to take to the grave what you’ve so painstakingly laboured for. Your faced with the hard truth –no children to keep this Legacy and Dream alive. Whether you find channels in the form of books,journals,papers or even people with whom you have utmost trust in their capacity to immortalise what you stand for, that targeted generation my friend is absolutely the reason and answer to the Caption above.
Words cannot express the feeling a man feels when he hears for the first time his tod say “Daddy” nor can it capture the sublime love and sense of victory a mother feels when she hears the ringing cry of a newly born or the sweet satisfaction a mother derives while she brags about her children’s extraordinary achievements to her league of numerous friends or support groups, well thats just me being mischievious.
Truth is, Children are precious gifts to each parent and irrespective of our religous divides,tribes and cultures our creator in my humble opinion wouldn’t place these “feelings” in us as chips that can be done away with once we feel broken. Having said that, while it is true that teenage years put to test the absolute resolve and reason for taking up parenthood, think of it this way; would you bask in the sunlight and serenity of clear and blue skies after a violent storm or would you rather stay indoors laid back on your bed on a rainy day? If you thought the argument of the former made more compelling reason, then suffice to say the caption “I dont want Children, am i normal?” makes perfect sense.
MICHAEL NDIFON AYAK
Smile, for if y…
Smile, for if you smile, others will smile, and there will be lots and lots of smiles, just because you smiled.
michaelayak 